Queer Attachment: Expanding Paths to Connection and Belonging
a shirtless and slim person of colour with a slight beard and closed eyes holds their hands on their chest just below their heart
Throughout this series, we have explored how traditional attachment theory has helped explain patterns of intimacy and security, and while valuable, let’s be real—that’s not the reality for many Queer people. Attachment isn’t just personal, it’s political, social, and deeply intertwined with cultural belonging. Queering attachment then, is not just about challenging what has been, it is about expanding what is possible and recognizing that love isn’t limited to the relationships we were given… it’s something we actively create.
Queer Attachment as an Expansive Future
Traditional attachment theory emphasizes predictability and stability, often equating them with security. But queer attachment embraces fluidity, adaptability, and chosen connection. What if security isn’t about rigid roles, but about the freedom to shape relationships in ways that feel safe and affirming? For many Queer people, attachment is about finding (or making) the spaces where we can just be. So, chosen families become lifelines, deep platonic relationships hold as much weight as romantic ones, and community networks offer validation that traditional structures may not. Queer attachment says that connection isn’t just about who raised you—it’s about who shows up for you.
Relational Healing as Collective Liberation
Queer attachment does not exist in isolation, it is also deeply tied to broader movements of resistance. In a world that often seeks to exclude queer identities from experiences of belonging, attachment becomes an act of liberation. When we recognize that attachment is co-constructed through relationships, we also acknowledge the ways Queer people build collective care networks that foster healing, resilience, and security. This lens also reshapes how we approach mental health care. Counsellors must move beyond normative frameworks, working alongside Queer people to honour the unique ways they experience connection. This means validating chosen families, supporting fluid and evolving relational dynamics, and recognizing that attachment is not just an individual experience but a social one.
A Call to Queer Belonging
As we close this series, we invite you to continue queering attachment in your own life. Challenge rigid ideas of connection. Embrace relationships that feel expansive rather than limiting. Seek out and nurture the spaces where you feel truly seen. Queer attachment is not a destination, it’s an ongoing process of discovering, unlearning, and co-creating belonging. Because, this is Our Landing Place—pun 100% intended.
Aziz Mirza (he/him) is a clinician with Our Landing Place. He’s the author of the Queer Attachment Series on this blog and will be leading an upcoming presentation at 2025’s Queering Mental Health on similar themes.
We’re lucky to share Aziz’s thoughtful work here on the OLP Blog.
